How a "wishbone" led me back to LA - Part 2
The story of how I reclaimed Christmas and chose ME.
If you haven’t read part 1 of this blog, you’re not going to want to miss it!
It’s Christmas day and I wake up alone in the guest bedroom of our house.
Everything has changed. Everything feels different now. I can’t help but notice how foreign my home feels to me, like I just don't belong here anymore. It's like even the air around me feels different.
Just a few months ago, I had gone from thinking I had found the man (and house) of my dreams, to feeling like an outsider, afraid to even step foot into my own kitchen where I’d have to face another awkward and/or painful conversation - or attempt at small talk.
I arrived back from LA a couple of days ago and the vision of the wishbone and my feelings of clear guidance are still so present in my mind.
The separation is final. I am waiting for my (now ex-) partner to leave for a few days to spend time with his parents and kids - and to give me time to figure out my next steps.
Truthfully, one of my next steps is scheduling a facetime reading with my energy healer / psychic. (Some people have a therapist on speed dial, I have a psychic. 🤷🏻♀️)
At this point, I’m pretty sure I’ve lost my mind.
I mean, who calls off their engagement just a couple days before Christmas?
But I just can’t stop hearing his last words… “I don’t want a relationship with your business”.
But, I am not separate from my business.
I created my business serving others through my art, my passions, my creations.
So all I can hear is... you don’t want a relationship with me.
At first I think, “Great, now I’ll always remember Christmas as the time I ended my engagement. Just what I need! Another trigger attached to the holidays.”
But then I stopped myself.
While this decision was absolutely heartbreaking, what it really represented was a major declaration of self love.
It was a power move.
It was me finally choosing ME, and not continuing to lose myself or dim my light for another relationship.
I started to think back - not only on how much I sacrificed for this relationship - but on how much I sacrificed for previous relationships as well.
What was it about entering into a partnership with somebody else that caused me to always dim my light? Perhaps I’ve always felt like I was “too much”, and so I played small so I wouldn’t overwhelm or intimidate people.
All those thoughts…
“Men like women who are feminine, and low maintenance…”
“If I act this way, then he’ll love me…”
“Tone it down, Bradley, he can’t handle all of you”.
The memories of all the times I’ve lived this pattern came flooding back to me like one of those near death experiences when you see your life flash before your eyes…
I really felt it. All of it.
And when I finally snapped out of it, I made a promise to myself.
Not from a romantic partner, or anybody else, for that matter.
For the first time in my life…
And I decided that this is what I will now associate with Christmas. That I choose myself.
So, when I woke up Christmas morning I knew I had a choice.
I could sit around and mope, feeling sorry for myself, letting myself become consumed with negative emotion, OR…
I could use this sudden shift to catapult and unleash my creativity.
My creativity that had been withering away as I hadn’t been tending to it, nurturing it, or letting it express itself for fear of being too much.
I got up and made my coffee.
I journaled, meditated, and got myself into the zone.
I shot the first 4 episodes of my new podcast “The Kris Bradley Show”, which is dedicated to helping people build lives and businesses they love, or as the tagline says, “tap into your brilliant badass self”.
Not only did I record the audio, I shot videos, then once I was done filming, I even edited and bounced down highlight clips.
This girl was on fi-ya 🔥
I had been itching to launch a new podcast to correlate with the expansion of my business, but it sat on the back burner for months - because I had been so thoroughly and completely blocked.
Suddenly, letting this relationship go released my creative forces - released the muse needed to actually get it started.
Looking back now I think, of course that’s how it happened, because…
Staying in a relationship where I had to “put on a 70% dim switch on myself” all of the time was not in alignment with helping others to SHINE their light and be a Brilliant Badass.
So once I had made the decision to choose myself, it was like I had unleashed a BEAST.
Hours and hours went by and next thing I knew it was 8pm and I had been lost in a sea of creativity and inspiration. I had entered into a flow state and I. Felt. Amazing. I literally hadn’t felt this alive in nearly 2 years.
That being said, all of a sudden I was starving.
I decided to treat myself to Chinese food for dinner, ya know, to keep in the spirit of an untraditional Christmas.
That Arizona nightlife tho…
Chinese + Diet Coke for the win
After stuffing my face with steamed dumplings and chicken lettuce wraps, I crack open a fortune cookie to read these words.
Tears well up in my eyes and I feel that gentle nod from Spirit that said keep going….you’re on the right path.
I tuck the tiny fortune into the window of my wallet that covers my drivers license so that I’ll see it every day.
Christmas day had turned out to be pretty magical!
I didn’t know it then, but there was even more magic to come…
If you can believe it, there’s far more magic to this story - including a run-in with my Psychic, an “obituary”, and a manifestation that came to life after 15 years - but you’ll have to stay tuned for the rest.